Date Everything is a sandbox dating sim that has you try to date everything

Team 17 has announced Sassy Chap Games’ sandbox dating sim Date Everything. All of my best dates have been in a sandbox. It’s coming to Xbox Series X|S, PS5, Switch, and PC eventually. No release date was given.

You’ve dated people before, but have you dated a vacuum cleaner? No, wait… Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know. Let’s just move on.

Date Everything is a dating sim where you walk around your house dating your furniture and appliances. This is enabled by a pair of tacky specs that personify your belongings. Your belongings are all DTF and have their own personalities and backstory with three endings apiece. Thankfully, the house in Date Everything isn’t nearly as cluttered as my apartment. Like most dating sim protagonists, they clearly have no personality whatsoever and have decorated accordingly. An empty existence for an empty soul, but at least it keeps their furniture-dating life reasonably simple.

All your furniture is depicted as a diverse and sexy line-up of characters. Certainly, you’ll find someone in the mix that you’ll mesh with, but I think I’d be crushed if I didn’t find my couch attractive. I guess that’s why they say you shouldn’t meet your heroes. I have the ideal concept of my couch in my head already, and if it doesn’t actually align with that, it will leave me jaded and disappointed.

This is a writing project I wish I was in on. I worked on a project some years ago (that hasn’t been announced and was maybe canceled, I don’t know), and one of my contributions was making the side characters datable. It was more of optional side-missions than dating sim style dating since that would have been way out of scope, but the ambition was there.

On the other hand, Destructoid alumni James Stephanie Sterling has revealed that they’re part of Date Everything’s writing team. That’s pretty rad, but now I get to stew in jealousy.

Date Everything is coming to Xbox Series X|S, PS5, Switch, and PC. No release window has been stated.

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