Macron stripping and Kermit boiling: The alternative guide to the Olympics opening ceremony

Once all the sport gets going, there is little at any Olympic Games which feels particularly unique to the host city or nation. The backdrop to the sailing might vary, the mascots shapeshift, but fencing in Athens looks a lot like fencing in Tokyo. A 50m butterfly race held in London is barely distinguishable from a 50m butterfly race in Rio de Janeiro. Shot put is shot put, whatever turf you’re chucking it at.